Achieve Positive Results with a More Thoughtful Approach
Words are far more than just transmitting facts back and forth. You may think you are simply conveying information.
But you’re conveying a feeling, too.
It’s easy to get offended if someone says something that you interpret as even slightly critical or rude, or God forbid “wrong.”
Yet when you write an email, talk to someone privately or call out someone in a meeting, you often unintentionally fail yourself. You think, “I don’t get why they’re upset. I was stating the facts. I just asked a simple question. Or it’s obvious, they should have known already because I was trying to help them out.”
With our rush to get things done and move on to the next thing, we don’t always put the time and thought into what makes people want to do what we ask.
People long for a sense of connection. And, they believe that they are worth the investment. That’s why when you convey a more positive, encouraging feeling, it will affect how much effort people make for you.
As a way to illustrate this, take a look at two common experiences we naturally find ourselves in far too often. Pay attention to the simple alternatives that I recommend for each.
1. Move from a feeling of: “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
Shift to a feeling of: “We both have good ideas. Let’s consider
all approaches and we can come up with a better solution
together.”
2. Move from a feeling of dissatisfaction like: “Why don’t you…” “I
can’t understand why you…” “You’re kidding, me right?” (Since
you’re not really asking anything, you’re advocating for your point
of view.)
Shift to a feeling of curiosity and openness like: “Hey, how about if
we…” “I wonder how it would work if we…” “What makes you a
fan of this approach…?” (You’ll find that people will resist less,
too.)
I like these sooooooo much better than trying to be right (and in the process, telling others that they’re wrong).
Humor me today. All I ask is that you try these two alternative approaches as you go through your day. See what happens. My guess is you’ll enjoy your conversations more – and you’ll get better results.
Plus you’ll be more aligned with the kind of leader that you actually want to be.
Because I know you’re the kind of leader who creates a vision that other people want to achieve.
Please share your experiences with me. I can’t wait to hear from you.
